Survivor Art Warning

Keep in mind that survivor art is not about beauty. It reveals trauma...sometimes in a subtle way. Sometimes rather graphically. The beauty, to me, is in being a witness to my own healing from the images given to me by formerly traumatized and even suicidal alters.

Please use caution in viewing this site. I'm proud to be sufficiently healed to share this art (most of which was done from 1997 to 2000). All depicted in the images have integrated. This is me when I was "we".


Janie to age Jane Doe

Janie first appears as a young girl about 4 years old. Always with "Mikey".

I had an "upside down" world and both Janie and Mikey were in it. They are shown as adults in the top picture which I didn't understand until much later.

Somewhere in my vast collection of images is a picture of Mikey in an identical pose: balancing books on his head. However, Janie is "making the grade" and Mikey needs tutoring. I have a very involved memory of Mikey's "death" at age 11. Notice the pattern with Janie being "American Girl" in the next pictures.

Possibly there was frightened little Janie and 11 year old Janie. The smaller Janie is shown with a wishbone. She is now separated from Mikey. In real life, I moved at age 11 overseas with military family.

I can't tell you exactly what this means but notice how images were matched by color and symbols. "Jane Doe" has the same sign as the lower left grouping. The capitol building appears in the bottom three images. Does Jane Doe mean she is unknown or dead? She goes with government, whatever that means. Logically, I think "pushing the envelope" was literally about handing messages in envelopes or relaying messages. I also have lived in a state capitol since 1967.

I mentioned in my other blog that Mikey came up in later memories as my cousin who was born a month later than me. I have pictures of us together as infants. He claims to have no trauma memory. My belief is the image of older Jane and Mikey in the tree means we are still alive as adults...which we are.

And, as recently learned, Jane is my now completely integrated core and I am part of her. I'm the culmination of all the integrated alters who integrated into Jane last week. I don't share her subconscious memories of all of the trauma, but she is tapped into all of my conscious memories. Together, we are one Grace.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hi Grace,
Whew, your blogs & collages have stirred up bunches of things, and explained so much also.

"Pushing the Envelope" meant something to me also when i read it. It *was* like a job of some sort, passing along a message.

Part of an early memory of an incident which happened shortly before my marriage- may be connected to this of the women in our church (which was infiltrated by satanists, according to my children & later my own memories) took me for a "cleaning job interview" across the city. We went into a mall that was nearly abandoned, with work being done in parts.

All i remembered for years was meeting a man in front of a wall. He claimed to be an artist who said he was going to paint a huge mural on the wall of the "Garden of Eden" with Adam & Eve stark naked. I then remembered being back in the car and saying to the woman that i was embarrassed, and why did he talk that way to me? I don't remember her answer, if any. I never asked myself or her where in the world the job interview went? Or what were we doing at a mall?

Rest of the memory that came back later....this "con-artist" took me into a room behind the wall. He held something out, claiming it was an "apple" and i was to take a bite. He had a "job" for me to do, and i think it had to do with taking a message to someone. What was i told to do?? Did i actually do it?? This bothers me a lot... Pieces still missing, and i want them back.

"Jane Doe" was stated to me often, and put into drawings by perp. But he claimed that these were his unnamed victims which were b*ried.

Perp used to say about himself to our children..."Uncle Sam wants you!" He would also constantly talk about communism and "Mother Russia" to all of us. I've had very strong memories (even long before i began actively remembering!) concerning "communists" and war-like scenarios. One i thought was a dream....I was running in a field with a "communist plane" buzzing me overhead. I was trying to run to a white sign at the edge of the field. Later i remembered/realized that the plane was a remote controlled small hobbyist plane. But in the hypnotized state, this was a real plane and scenario.

At the time when i had this "dream", which i later realized NEVER was a dream at all, just memory, i told my sister about it. She told me that she had the exact same dream.

Years later, after my memories came back, my sister (who basically has claimed to remember nothing) told me right out one day that this incident was for a "training video". When she told me, i hardly dared to breathe, i was so glad she was talking!

Sorry this is so long again- your photos just are helping to lay out pieces and figuring out where they fit.