tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17332465539543126692024-03-13T00:34:39.011-04:00The Art Journey of GraceHow magazine images, life photos, and collages helped alters communicate and allowed me to meet insiders. Watching an alter heal through images was one of the blessings of my journey.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.comBlogger84125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-45078987958042282792013-01-09T17:29:00.000-05:002013-01-09T17:29:13.955-05:00Tinman EvolutionYesterday, out of nowhere, I created this Polyvore set:<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vv_HLtj01H0/UO3r1bPoK4I/AAAAAAAABOc/yxo6YWmN_h4/s1600/Oz+-+Tinman+-+Coming+to+Life+-+010813.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vv_HLtj01H0/UO3r1bPoK4I/AAAAAAAABOc/yxo6YWmN_h4/s320/Oz+-+Tinman+-+Coming+to+Life+-+010813.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
It wasn't until the "veil" fell over her eyes when I added an item that I realized she is the Tinman healing. She's surrounded by signs of new growth and her face is revealed. I had to go back four years to find my original portraits of this part of me. Two were done. Am assuming it's the same part; otherwise, there are two who need to heal.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xiqQaJqsYBM/UO3tC4nAcbI/AAAAAAAABOs/L9z1jUWow10/s1600/OzTinman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xiqQaJqsYBM/UO3tC4nAcbI/AAAAAAAABOs/L9z1jUWow10/s320/OzTinman.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zl4mWy1LnaE/UO3tNUakT0I/AAAAAAAABO0/5Vhf98JEFNQ/s1600/OzTinMan_Programming.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zl4mWy1LnaE/UO3tNUakT0I/AAAAAAAABO0/5Vhf98JEFNQ/s320/OzTinMan_Programming.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
While obscured, the most recent set has a gear in the center of the forehead. Interesting that flowers surround both. I don't have a heart on the most recent one. I do believe the heart WAS the programming. That was broken, but apparently it didn't automatically allow the part to heal. Maybe she couldn't heal until my "Tinkerbelle" part healed, and she has just begun to move toward healing.<br />
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Only time will tell if the Tinman part will be safe to me internally. It would be very nice not to have to struggle against an unsafe part to undo programming so soon after the battle I've fought with undoing internal Neverland. The world of Disney lived within me.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-8620615402579963792012-11-14T14:12:00.000-05:002012-11-14T14:12:43.252-05:00Back to Wonderland?Since my last post, I was able to undo that programming. However, something new began a few days ago that was very disconcerting. Actually I had found a collage done earlier this year showing "I must die" programming for my birthday next week. It's an even decade. I've been through so much of that, I usually don't worry about it. One of the parts rescued from undoing the last program was a mother part. I had my mother internalized several different ways. This one was subservient and loyal to the internal perp father part who was successfully made harmless.<br /><br />With that in mind, yesterday I did this set called "Will She Return?" (to Wonderland).<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8xw6dcAIXoQ/UKPm0urWuaI/AAAAAAAABME/uwqF0_-yAFo/s1600/111312+-+Will+She+Return.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8xw6dcAIXoQ/UKPm0urWuaI/AAAAAAAABME/uwqF0_-yAFo/s400/111312+-+Will+She+Return.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
There are many details in the set. Difficult to see is "Alice" holding the mirror that the woman is staring into. As I saved this to my computer, I realized I did a set the previous day with one of my two Alices (Keira Knightley).<br />
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This set was called "Unexpected Peace"; however, Wonderland was backwards. Peace would have meant the opposite. As I made the connection of these two sets my mind kept flashing images of my mother. And I had gotten the message "Mother and child reunion", from the song, but had no connection when I looked up the lyrics.<br />
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Following the first set shown above, I created this one called "Forced Back to Wonderland".<br />
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Actually, dandelions go with Oz which was "down the rabbit hole" from Wonderland. This frightened me. My insurance recently changed due to marriage and I have a new therapist whom I know but have yet to see as a patient. That will be soon. I sent her a note asking if she knew of anyone who had similar programming; specifically, could I fall apart and have that which had healed reappear. She said possibly programming related to mirrors. The first set I did has a mirror as a focal point! She also said it could be related to antimatter. Not long ago I had programming involving antimatter which disintegrates with light.<br />
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I went back through my sets and knew the woman on the left was a mother part and the one on the right was "Tink" who also went with my younger sister. Mother and daughter reunion. I eked as I realized their reunion would set off the program.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MWyCsd3b3ro/UKPpvyJjgwI/AAAAAAAABMc/ShOL6EW-86g/s1600/Mother+-+Reunion+-+111212.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MWyCsd3b3ro/UKPpvyJjgwI/AAAAAAAABMc/ShOL6EW-86g/s320/Mother+-+Reunion+-+111212.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I know I can undo things inside by doing it with art. I began to make a new set starting with cutting the women who are joined as one into two separate women and placed a wall between them. Then I decided to use individual images of Tink and mother. Since it is Tink being forced back into Wonderland and appears nude in the set, I chose an image of her also nude. I'd been using the model Monica Belluci as mother part. Well actually I started using her and didn't know she was a mother part until about the 5th or 6th set I did with her. In addition to separating them with a wall, I gave each an aura of a different colored light so they could be safe individually but prevent them from merging.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9KvlOfMUeCE/UKPrHPSB1aI/AAAAAAAABMk/gjx0m_xFkpI/s1600/Mother+Daughter+Reunion+111312.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9KvlOfMUeCE/UKPrHPSB1aI/AAAAAAAABMk/gjx0m_xFkpI/s320/Mother+Daughter+Reunion+111312.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
After completing this set, I felt huge relief internally. I can never say never but Polyvore and the note from my new therapist helped me resolve this program. Am hoping I can at least have a week's break before I am forced into deprogram mode again. I'm 60 next week and it just doesn't stop.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-63146966865409874982012-10-09T22:21:00.000-04:002012-10-10T00:50:03.448-04:00Programming RevealedI wrote about my internal journey in France in another <a href="http://forbiddentopic.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">blog</a>. Much has been going on inside since my return. New parts emerging, new messages...all healing I thought. But I also have been feeling more and more lethargic since my return. Today especially. I'd been making Polyvore sets not knowing what they meant or even if they were connected. One part surfaced that I thought signified I no longer had any self-harm or hidden self-destruct programming. Apparently that was wrong.<br />
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Here are a few of my recent sets:<br />
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I thought, after doing this last set, that an old program had started up because of the dandelion in lower left. So I did this set hoping to reveal more.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-okAkBWrzFGM/UHTXpgz2EjI/AAAAAAAABLg/3kogS3utmEA/s1600/100912+Shutting+Down.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-okAkBWrzFGM/UHTXpgz2EjI/AAAAAAAABLg/3kogS3utmEA/s400/100912+Shutting+Down.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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After doing this one, I could see the old program in the background but it looks shut down. The KA in lower left kept grabbing my attention. I looked up acronyms for KA to no avail and then took a nap. When I woke up, I googled "Ka element" thinking it was on the periodic table. What I found was that Ka is one of the five elements (fire of earth, wind, fire, etc.) in Japanese. Its meaning goes with strong life force, energy, what I know as Qi ("chi"). And I've been feeling so the opposite of energetic. I get an internal jolt when I have an answer and I got that jolt. A program to shut me down has gone off. I see how dead the last set is and how in previous sets I am going down.<br />
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I also noticed the set showing several of me inside with the round window on the right. The puzzle piece seems to be trying to push out the window. Almost like there was a slow carbon monoxide poisoning going on inside, I needed to get fresh air. Am in a huge dilemma at the moment being uninsured for the first time in my life waiting for my new insurance coverage since my marriage. A perfectly evil time for a program to go off. I have no one to go to for help. I thought I might be able to do a set showing what I'd like to happen inside to see if it might be internalized.<br />
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I broke open the window and have my alters on the other side in the fresh air. All I can do is wait and use my grounding skills and hope protectors inside are not shut down and can help undo this.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-12784031882879083692012-09-01T17:12:00.000-04:002012-09-01T17:12:23.258-04:00What Does It Mean?I've come to learn that if I need to know what something means I can start an art set with the item and build a set around it. Since my last post with the hearts and pink stairs, I learned there was a split during a trauma when I was three years old. Her name is Rose and she will soon appear. Older sets showed I'd had self-destruct programming if Rose ever integrated. I did a set showing the programming had been undone. But then I did these two sets showing an adult part of me, Ellie, and her connection to Rose.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ellie's last memory of baby Rose.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AcjXgx3ebGU/UEJ32us6F1I/AAAAAAAABIE/XMrtXqKCYw0/s1600/Ellie+&+Rose+-+Anticipating+their+Reunion+083112.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-AcjXgx3ebGU/UEJ32us6F1I/AAAAAAAABIE/XMrtXqKCYw0/s400/Ellie+&+Rose+-+Anticipating+their+Reunion+083112.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ellie (front) and Rose in background, healed and grown up, about to join the rest of us.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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After seeing these sets together, I realized both had veils separating Ellie and Rose. I wanted to know if it was something dangerous I needed to deal with before the reunion. The name of the turquoise veil is "flutter" so I started the next set with the turquoise butterfly.<br />
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This put my mind to rest that the veil was the connection of their spirits. The blue and purple light in this set has always gone with the Gracie part of me who integrated in early June and also with Rose, showing their strong connection.<br />
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I'll be going to France on vacation soon and will write in my <a href="http://forbiddentopic.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Healing From & Understanding DID</a> blog about that experience.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-33252435541744463102012-07-15T18:38:00.001-04:002012-07-15T18:39:47.884-04:00Hearts, Love, and Pink Stairs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Since my last post on June 30, the newly emerged part of me seems to go with stairs and hearts and love. I'm still processing what is happening but these are the sets telling the story:<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">7/14/2012 Breaking the Barrier to Love</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">7/15/2012 Ascending</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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I've had other parts of me integrate through my heart and have felt a physical sensation when that happened. I don't know if that's what this means or perhaps she is ascending to one of my higher selves (inner wisdom). Only good feelings have been connected to her since she escaped her internal "prison".</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-10172912317391066362012-06-30T14:21:00.000-04:002012-06-30T14:21:44.232-04:00Feeling the FreedomLately I have experienced some phenomenal healing. The following sets are representative of that feeling.<br />
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Just prior to feeling it internally, this set reflected the change about to happen.<br />
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When it happened, it felt "freeing". And I've felt more uplifted and have more energy since the change. While difficult to explain unless you've experienced life long depression, it finally feels that I have sufficient emotional strength to stay above the depression "pit" when bad or sad things happen. I'll take it for as long as I can. A beautiful gift in my life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-59780873470973499182011-11-25T17:49:00.000-05:002011-11-25T17:49:28.442-05:00Names, Clarity, and SynchronicityEach person with DID has their own healing process. From the beginning, I was led to the meaning of the names of alters. My Baby Name Book is far too highlighted. Often the meanings were part of my story, although sometimes no connection was made. This is what happened to me in the past week or so with an alter coming forward.<br />
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Kate was one of the first magazine images of an alter where I knew her name. I knew she went with rage. She moved into my internal healing place with the first few discovered alters but then vanished. She recently surfaced during a therapy session. Huge anger arose but I didn't make the connection until after the session. She was angry because the therapist seemed to be questioning what came up with my processing. In my mind, it is what it is at the time even though other information may surface connected to it. I could feel the anger in my voice defending my own process. This is the first Polyvore set. She looks very much like that original magazine image.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/crawling_out_shadows/set?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste&id=39761251"><img alt="Crawling Out of the Shadows" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/39761251/id/buc1AHMU4RGsf-XHmDcW5w/size/x.jpg" title="Crawling Out of the Shadows" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/crawling_out_shadows/set?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste&id=39761251">Crawling Out of the Shadows</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
Shortly after doing that set, I completed this one...someone with straight white hair. I had no idea what it meant or who she was. She is surrounded by sky aside from the prominent sniper crosshairs.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/in_crosshairs/set?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste&id=39790487"><img alt="In the Crosshairs" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/39790487/id/PhmaR9QU4RG72b1c4Q8-zQ/size/x.jpg" title="In the Crosshairs" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/in_crosshairs/set?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste&id=39790487">In the Crosshairs</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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Next came this image, also a woman with straight white hair.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/twinkle/set?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste&id=39821467"><img alt="Twinkle, Twinkle" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/39821467/id/tLO_UnoV4RGJsLA18NVt0w/size/x.jpg" title="Twinkle, Twinkle" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/twinkle/set?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste&id=39821467">Twinkle, Twinkle</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
Someone had asked me what it meant, but I had no idea. The next morning I awoke with my mind showing me images of an alter I knew by name from magazine images, Cassie. She had the straight white hair. Immediately I looked up the meaning of Cassie. The name goes with a constellation called Cassiopeia. According to Greek mythology, Cassie had spurned the advances of a god. He, in turn, tortured her by making it so anything she said would never be believed. Of course, this goes with the strong silencing programming those with DID tend to have.<br />
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This made perfect sense of the stars placed over her face as prominently as the crosshairs. Usually when one alter surfaces, those connected to him/her in some way also surface. I did not yet understand Cassie's connection to Kate. That came the next day. Again I awoke with my mind processing. I had been hearing the name Casey for a few days. My mind showed me K.C. which went with Kate and Cassie. When I looked up the meaning of Casey, it was shown to go with K.C. and also connected to the names Cassandra and Katerina! My synchronicity still astounds me.<br />
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The next message caused me to gasp audibly. It was Kate looking at Cassie through the crosshairs. Kate's job was to keep Cassie silenced in her galactic prison. But now that Kate had surfaced and was speaking her mind, she had released Cassie. The most recent Polyvore set of Cassie confirmed the message.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/free_from_her_galactic_prison/set?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste&id=39866129"><img alt="Free from her galactic prison" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/39866129/id/3gkLwCsW4RG-rcIAj_a9eg/size/x.jpg" title="Free from her galactic prison" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/free_from_her_galactic_prison/set?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste&id=39866129">Free from her galactic prison</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
Instead of through crosshairs, Cassie was being viewed through a heart. I recalled in very early collages a young girl named Casey. She must have been split through trauma to create Kate and Cassie. They were part of the same being but turned against each other. I then saw the most recent episode of Covert Affairs on television where a CIA operative was ordered to turn two sisters against each other in hopes it would lead to needed information. The operative refused to do it knowing how fragile sister relationships can be. More synchronicity. Kate and Cassie needed to reunite to heal. This is the last set I've done of them to date.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/112411/set?.embedder=528877&.svc=copypaste&id=39893132"><img alt="K.C. 112411" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/39893132/id/wmG2U7UW4RGhqg4K8NVt0w/size/x.jpg" title="K.C. 112411" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/112411/set?.embedder=528877&amp;.svc=copypaste&amp;id=39893132">K.C. 112411</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&amp;.svc=copypaste">grace2244</a> featuring <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/crystal_hair_accessories/shop?query=crystal+hair+accessories">crystal hair accessories</a></small></div><br />
I really don't know if they have become Casey again. I haven't felt any particular healing event but I know they are healing by the clutter in my mind while sleeping. Early in my <a href="http://forbiddentopic.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Understanding DID</a> blog, I speak of a fictional novel I wrote the year before my having DID became known. One of the characters was Cassie. She was sweet, kind, funny, good natured...Kate's opposite. It made me wonder if they balanced each other's emotions.<br />
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I also wonder, if Kate was the first I knew, if that means she is the last inside who needs to surface. It's a nice thought and a hopeful one. Only time will tell.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-91244622882607345362011-09-11T18:12:00.000-04:002012-10-10T00:51:43.418-04:00Healing the ProgramAfter completing the art shown in the previous post, I had a therapy session. The result was finding the two Belle's who turned out to be much younger than depicted in the art. They very much wanted to be together and quickly hugged each other blending into one...a very emotional reunion. They were then rescued through internal imagery.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;">
<a href="http://www.polyvore.com/lke_star/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36740015"><img alt="Lke A Star" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/36740015/id/xqjMV-LY4BGoS3x4akqOAw/size/x.jpg" title="Lke A Star" width="500" /></a></div>
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<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/lke_star/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36740015">Like A Star</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div>
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Belle relayed they (the split Belles) were made to lock the mother in a prison. An internal search ensued, her prison was found, and mother (as one being) was rescued. She appeared as totally collapsed and was moved to internal hospital. Little Belle held her hand until she woke up and smiled. Belle was taken to a safe healing place.<br />
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This is the art I did showing mother introject healing in a beautiful place.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;">
<a href="http://www.polyvore.com/saved_belles/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36743374"><img alt="Saved By The Belles" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/36743374/id/aJqG4P3Y4BGfjR8cakqOAw/size/x.jpg" title="Saved By The Belles" width="500" /></a></div>
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<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/saved_belles/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36743374">Saved By The Belles</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div>
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After processing the end of this program and realizing that the method of death disclosed would have implicated my partner, I was once again horrified by the evil of those who placed such actions into my being. Normal people likely see things like "suicide programming" as an overdramatization. However, it is very much a part of healing and becomes "normal" to us mind control survivors. My last set comes from that thinking...how much more programming must I undo as I continue this journey called healing.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;">
<a href="http://www.polyvore.com/what_lies_beneath/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36760115"><img alt="What Lies Beneath?" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/36760115/id/7ky1On3Z4BGOS8wRakqOAw/size/x.jpg" title="What Lies Beneath?" width="500" /></a></div>
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<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/what_lies_beneath/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36760115">What Lies Beneath?</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-52450025003925405062011-09-03T13:46:00.001-04:002011-09-03T14:00:20.987-04:00New Self-Destruct Program EmergingI had thought the suicide programming the emerged earlier this year following my father's death had been completely dismantled. The art for that program didn't begin to appear until I was within the safe confines of the trauma center. Recently I began to hear messages inside reminding me of past failures in my conscious life and gut wrenching moments I had long forgotten. It was odd because I have been in a very good place emotionally. The messages were coming up when I was doing my positive guided imagery. This is the first set I did expressing the drastic split I was feeling emotionally.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/fighting_myself/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36494973"><img alt="Fighting Myself" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/36494973/id/-OY5eQLV4BG1YsCtZ9hnbA/size/x.jpg" title="Fighting Myself" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/fighting_myself/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36494973">Fighting Myself</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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Immediately after completing the set, I felt compelled to do a set showing women with nets over their face. I had kept a category of just that begun two years ago. It was there I found a mother image and realized the messages/programming went with her.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/surprise_from_mother/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36495976"><img alt="Surprise from Mother" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/36495976/id/LsKszQXV4BGcZC7J6vbL2Q/size/x.jpg" title="Surprise from Mother" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/surprise_from_mother/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36495976">Surprise from Mother</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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The third set is rather odd and I don't grasp the whole meaning. But it is the first set to show mother split in two and very programmed. I believe the F stands for father since he did control her. Writing on a face has come to mean programming and only one has writing on her face. Makes me wonder if the one twin has freed herself. I saw the tear in the black net in the very first set as an opening in the programming.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/behind_scenes_90111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36500975"><img alt="Behind the Scenes" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/36500975/id/ju3GchrV4BGkyXl4Z9hnbA/size/x.jpg" title="Behind the Scenes" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/behind_scenes/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36500975">Behind the Scenes</a> by grace2244</small><br />
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<small> The fourth set was created using the category I had created for models who reminded me of my mother. Again it shows the split. They both look so dissociated. In real life, I loved my mother and she was kind and supportive, rarely angry. We always made up with "I love yous" after we did argue. But she was also controlled by father and had at least some role when I was in a dissociative state. Oddly, in the metaphorical language of my art clues, the hat she is wearing meant CIA. I do believe my father was CIA (which ran MK-Ultra). She looks hypnotized by the peacock. As with me, if another part was "out", conscious me was completely "out of it". I believe mother in pink is conscious world mother internalized.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><small><a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed"></a><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/guarding_nest/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36516400"><img alt="Guarding the Nest" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/36516400/id/0BPSJYXV4BGSo26yZ9hnbA/size/x.jpg" title="Guarding the Nest" width="500" /></a></small></div><small> <div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/guarding_nest/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36516400">Guarding the Nest</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
Following is the first to show any programming information. It seems to have more to do with bicycles and the Ace of Spades might be metaphorical for signal or date or event. I know metaphorically bicycles represent babies. The "harelquin/joker" on the red card is me. The cards lead to the broken bicycle. And I am my mother's "baby".<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/in_cards_090211/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36525521"><img alt="In the Cards #4 090211" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/36525521/id/QPNfk6PV4BGlRldKxUNx2g/size/x.jpg" title="In the Cards #4 090211" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/in_cards_090211/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36525521">In the Cards #4 090211</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
The next set shows me veiled in darkness and conscious mother is veiled. Both mother figures look very sad. I think the internal messages are literally meant to bury me in dark thoughts to the point where I take me own life. I've been able to shift thinking when I notice it happening but also notice how inside I am feeling more and more depressed. I am seeing my therapist very soon and hope to uncover more programming details through art before seeing her.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/veiled_in_secrecy/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36542203"><img alt="Veiled in Secrecy #5 090211" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/36542203/id/etbwJdbV4BGtCbLq86T1xA/size/x.jpg" title="Veiled in Secrecy" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/veiled_in_secrecy/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36542203">Veiled in Secrecy</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
The </small><small> final programming set I have completed so far </small><small>is difficult to look at but shows the ultimate objective that must be dismantled very soon.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/final_destination/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36546944"><img alt="Final Destination" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/36546944/id/XI0nROjV4BGCj7sZxUNx2g/size/x.jpg" title="Final Destination" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/final_destination_090311/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36546944">Final Destination</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
In keeping with the harlequin theme of the set showing me as the target, *I* did this set...hopefully walking away from it.<br />
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<div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/wishing_it_was_all_behind/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36526456"><img alt="Wishing It Was All Behind Her" border="0" height="500" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/36526456/id/yOpMAbXV4BGxhjcFxUNx2g/size/x.jpg" title="Wishing It Was All Behind Her" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/wishing_it_was_all_behind/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=36526456">Wishing It Was All Behind Her</a> by <a href="http://grace2244.polyvore.com/?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
To be continued...</small></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-6306810621949855142011-06-24T14:57:00.000-04:002011-06-24T14:57:15.468-04:00Grace 101For awhile I've done some sets with white horses and recently a flying white horse that goes with a young Buddha. This past weekend I realized I had changed. I felt stronger emotionally and even energetic. Part can be attributed to going off a medication but the bigger message is that I healed from "three graces" to two. It was only through my Polyvore sets that I figured out who this part of me was.<br />
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<div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/snow_buddha/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=32641578"><img alt="Snow Buddha" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/32641578/id/rkez7SeW4BGuuCPv4vo_vQ/size/e.jpg" title="Snow Buddha" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/snow_buddha/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=32641578">Snow Buddha</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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<div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/contemplating_her_duality/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=32960788"><img alt="Contemplating Her Duality" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/32960788/id/DLovqjGc4BGZP1dJTaoh8g/size/e.jpg" title="Contemplating Her Duality" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/contemplating_her_duality/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=32960788">Contemplating Her Duality</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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<div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/sharing_crown_my_grace/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=33023786"><img alt="Sharing the crown of my Grace" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/33023786/id/VLhvCTKd4BGPtZdJTaoh8g/size/e.jpg" title="Sharing the crown of my Grace" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/sharing_crown_my_grace/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=33023786">Sharing the crown of my Grace</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> featuring <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/tiara_jewelry/shop?brand=TIARA&category_id=60">TIARA jewelry</a></small></div><br />
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I have written of the very beginning of my healing journey about the 5-year-old part of me whom I knew since I was age 5. She remained that age. She was my secret. I knew it wasn't "normal" to have a part like her with me. She became disruptive in my adult relationships though and worked with her in therapy. She integrated just prior to my knowing there were others inside and that I had DID. She was an obstinate little blonde girl whom I adored. I cried when she integrated.<br />
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<div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/dandelion_wishes/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=32713448"><img alt="Dandelion Wishes" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://embed.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-set/cid/32713448/id/UE85lZWX4BG7XTUY4-o_vQ/size/e.jpg" title="Dandelion Wishes" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/dandelion_wishes/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=32713448">Dandelion Wishes</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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She did show up in collages as an adult. She went with carousel horses then. Now she is with spiritual creatures...winged and beautiful. She has a Grace Kelly-ish appearance which accounts for the retro fashion. A strong protector as her 5-year-old self, it was her job to take me out of a conscious state on command. Now returned as a healed and healthy protector with all of her good energy, I feel so happy she has returned to be on the outside with me.<br />
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Perhaps my final state will be a duality. This journey keeps going, so all I can do is speculate. Am looking forward to the boost of Qi and feeling good about life again.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-90977447481845083092011-05-30T13:41:00.000-04:002011-05-30T13:41:38.948-04:00Follow the FenceMost of the sets with the fence item are included in the next post "Follow the Leader". I know from my own processing that the same item in a number of sets mean they go together. When I get all the ones together with the similar item they tell a story. But I don't get a story until I get to the right set...and more may be coming. If you look at the previous post, you will see the fence item clearly in the last set where Neverland becomes Winterland. Yesterday I did this set:<br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/running_away/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=32056005"><img alt="Running Away" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFkdod0FRMzZLNEJHNGJMMFFXT1pQdVEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Running Away" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/running_away/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=32056005">Running Away</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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When it dawned on me this morning that the fence had been an item in Neverland, I went back to see the sets and gasped when I saw this one again:<br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/pond_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31738159"><img alt="By the pond 052111" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFjhwdy03ZGlENEJHU3ByNDA5U0R2OUEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="By the pond 052111" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/pond_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31738159">By the pond 052111</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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The little girl who I called "Running Away" is on the other side of the fence. The safe world is unknown to her. Just in case she was really lost, I asked inside for her to be rescued. Sweet little girl. I hope she is okay now.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-36493443065498017342011-05-21T17:29:00.000-04:002011-05-21T17:29:54.848-04:00Follow the LeaderI had undone harmful programming as shown in my last post. But other programming surfaced shortly afterwards involving "Tinkerbelles" whose job was to cause me to suicide by pills. I have a safety plan for that. And I thought my therapist and I undid that second round of programming a few days ago. Then last night a Polyvore set showed me there was a third wave of this suicide program. I was at my wits end.<br />
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This morning I was determined to ask questions inside to help me stop the program using Polyvore sets to communicate. My protector told me to just do what I was guided to do without speaking to others inside or questioning. I did as I was told although I did place questions beneath my processing sets. It told the story of the cycle and then showed me the ingenious solution.<br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/where_do_go_from_here/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31736248"><img alt="Where do I go from here? 052111" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFlNBOFRITktENEJHTGVqVWg5U0R2OUEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Where do I go from here? 052111" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/where_do_go_from_here/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31736248">Where do I go from here? 052111</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/processing_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31737370"><img alt="Processing 052111" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFldwNDYtOVdENEJHWi1RdURMbFRZM1EAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Processing 052111" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/processing_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31737370">Processing 052111</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/pond_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31738159"><img alt="By the pond 052111" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFjhwdy03ZGlENEJHU3ByNDA5U0R2OUEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="By the pond 052111" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/pond_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31738159">By the pond 052111</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/evolving_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31739409"><img alt="Evolving 052111" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmt1MHFITjJENEJHZDFyWkE5U0R2OUEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Evolving 052111" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/evolving_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31739409">Evolving 052111</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/bound_mist_veils_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31741400"><img alt="Bound by mist & veils 052111" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFkpGdFdGX1NENEJHVEtvc0ZleHo2aUEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Bound by mist & veils 052111" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/bound_mist_veils_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31741400">Bound by mist & veils 052111</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/pollinating_field_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31742709"><img alt="Pollinating the field 052111" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFnZrdDhoZWlENEJHMmxzdmk5Q0R2OUEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Pollinating the field 052111" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/pollinating_field_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31742709">Pollinating the field 052111</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> featuring <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/pearl_hair_accessories/shop?query=pearl+hair+accessories">pearl hair accessories</a></small></div><br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/winterland_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31743744"><img alt="Winterland 052111" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFjRyV1pLX3lENEJHVjJqb2NleHo2aUEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Winterland 052111" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/winterland_052111/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=31743744">Winterland 052111</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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The original program went with "Neverland"...never ending program possibly. I recall creating the winter world over the milkweed field but I guess I didn't logically cover all areas of the system and it came undone. I needed the entire cycle shut down...the bees, the pollination, the repopulation of the Tinkerbelle alters through the pollination. One was always waiting in the wings if I survived either a suicide attempt or Tinkerbelle made the choice to heal. Time will tell if this worked. Since Spencer guided it, am guessing it will. Makes me wonder what other programming still lies within me waiting to be triggered into action.<br />
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For now, I think I'll enjoy knowing my Neverland is now a safe Winterland within myself.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-33131188488863688542011-05-11T11:59:00.000-04:002011-05-11T11:59:35.908-04:00Uncovering Suicidal ProgrammingMy last post was four days prior to my admitting myself to the trauma unit at the Psychiatric Institute of DC because of revealing through art that my suicide attempt (see blog posts at Forbidden Topic) was the first in a series of alters, each with programmed with a different method of suicide. I became terrified to be in my body, fearing another alter would take over and do something far more frightening than taking pills.<br />
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I had a one-on-one counselor twice a week who did hypnotherapy differently than my own therapist and took me to a different level of consciousness. The Polyvore sets I did after seeing him showed me some of what he ran into when I "wasn't there". I did stay connected to him the day he asked Spencer what the plan was. I did know Spencer had a plan for undoing the dangerous programming and needed Dr. Doyle's help; however, I did not know the plan. The Polyvore sets that came up after he asked Spencer directly provided Dr. Doyle and me with the answers.<br />
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These are the sets in the order they came up:<br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/wondering_040411/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=30061376"><img alt="Wondering... 040411" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmhBM2tqdzVmNEJHdXoyanN1WTFXeHcAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Wondering... 040411" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/wondering_040411/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=30061376">Wondering... 040411</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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Initially I could only sense Jose Delgado (represented by Johnnie Depp...JD (!)). It was terrifying. This showed me two girls were behind the JD facade. I knew it represented my sisters. After doing this set, I received the internal message from Spencer that the sisters had blocked his (Spencer's) voice but they could hear Dr. Doyle. Spencer needed Dr. Doyle to unbind the sisters from the programming.<br />
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The next set:<br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/livvy_lizzie_bound_in_suicide/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=30069045"><img alt="***Livvy & Lizzie Bound in Suicide Programming" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFjhNMVNjeXRmNEJHd0lCRTlzWXlWV3cAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="***Livvy & Lizzie Bound in Suicide Programming" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/livvy_lizzie_bound_in_suicide/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=30069045">***Livvy & Lizzie Bound in Suicide Programming</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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This clearly showed the sisters were bound to each other and were trauma bonded to Delgado. The bubbles (from internal translation) meant an ability by the alters to create an aneurysm or cause my heart to stop. Scary stuff. However, it also shows sister on right praying and wanting out of her chains. The sister on left has hands that say "serve him" and a look that says she is ready to proceed with the programming.<br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/plan_040511/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=30097192"><img alt="***The Plan 040511" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmJ2bU13dU5mNEJHcTUwQWhqUjI4eVEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="***The Plan 040511" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/plan_040511/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=30097192">***The Plan 040511</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> featuring <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/by_auds_brooches/shop?brand=by+Auds&category_id=67">by auds brooches</a></small></div><br />
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The chain between the sisters is broken. Delgado is "marked" with Mickey Mouse (the satan/controller from the underground). The next day I did a collage in group therapy with magazine images showing me again the sisters were separated along with a phrase that included the word "play". An earlier collage done my second day at the Center also showed someone trapped with a phrase including the word play.<br />
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The program went off the next day in group therapy when the facilitator began the session by saying, "Today, let's play a game." The art was telling me "play" was a trigger word for the program. I felt an alter "fly" into the back of my neck and feared I would die any second from an aneurism. What I realized later is only one of the sisters proceeded with the programming and she didn't have the power to hurt the body more than to scratch with her/my nails on my arm. The chain had been broken. The other sister had chosen to resist.<br />
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The next session with Dr. Doyle, he was able to calm the internal chaos down and I saw the sisters embracing each other inside. Huge relief followed:<br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/freedom/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=30155521"><img alt="Freedom" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmN0VzAwV0ZoNEJHSGtlcF9WWDJsVWcAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Freedom" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/freedom/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=30155521">Freedom</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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Thank goodness for internal communication and communication through art.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-17806502207670234042011-03-20T12:18:00.003-04:002011-03-20T12:22:23.255-04:00Parting of the C's<div class="mbl notesBlogText clearfix"><div>I suppose I get clues like this because of lack of brain connections so inside messages have to use the connections known to work. Puzzle pieces. I did so many Sadie sets on Polyvore yesterday trying to get to answers about her. Sadie is the alter who took the overdose last Sunday night. Sets began to show keys and locks. While searching for a specific work of art on Google, I came across the Coco Chanel logo (two Cs overlapped in the center) with a gold key in the intersection. I used the image in a set.<br />
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<div class="photo photo_center"><div class="photo_img"><img class="img" height="320" src="http://photos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/190023_10150172846580879_630960878_8355986_1494264_a.jpg" width="320" /></div></div><br />
This was a set I did to show Sadie we could be apart and love each other. She didn't always have to be connected to me. It's the first set showing a key (a key to separating Sadie and me). The next set I did was trying to duplicate as best I could an image I had cut from a magazine for a very early collage. It explained why I sensed Sadie was unable to talk. Notice how close the lips of the white self are to the key. This became something I pondered for quite awhile.<br />
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<div class="photo photo_center"><div class="photo_img"><img class="img" height="400" src="http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/189432_10150172849560879_630960878_8356033_244888_a.jpg" width="400" /></div></div><br />
The set where I first used the Chanel logo went with an assassin part (I was the target). But the key in the center of the Cs would stop the programming.<br />
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<div class="photo photo_center"><div class="photo_img"><img class="img" height="320" src="http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/196073_10150172854190879_630960878_8356041_2825996_a.jpg" width="320" /></div></div><br />
The next set I did I wanted to find the Cs separated but had to settle for a clearer version of the logo and used the two hearts with the letters C to show a loving separation. I had taken my sleep meds and this was the last set I did before going to bed. Was showing it to Brian and said I needed to find a safe way to separate the Cs. ding ding ding. "The parting of the seas." Brian said Moses said it. I went to bed thinking about Moses parting the Cs.<br />
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I didn't figure out what "Moses" meant but asked Spencer if it was okay to remove the key that was blocking the Cs from separating. He said it was okay. But my mind was thinking the set with the heart and key over the mouth. As I unlocked the heart it fell down and I caught it by quickly moving my right hand and catching it against my upper chest...right where the other heart is in the image. I held two keys and two hearts in my hand. I wondered if they should be destroyed or transformed. I didn't want a red bird but I knew I wanted a peaceful image. So I saw two white doves flying away each with a heart locket around it's neck...like a keepsake necklace.<br />
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It took Sadie awhile to speak because her mouth had been closed for so long. She seemed surprised that we were both okay and said she loved me in a very soft spoken voice. We hugged. I fell asleep. When I woke up this morning I looked at the set again:<br />
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<div class="photo photo_none"><div class="photo_img"><img class="img" height="320" src="http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/189814_10150172855730879_630960878_8356045_808079_n.jpg" width="320" /></div></div><br />
Last night I hadn't noticed the face at all within the Chanel logo top left. I had adjusted the key numerous times thinking only design...so it didn't look like it was off the page at the top. But this morning I was stunned to see the face and the placement of the key right on the lips. Love was the key.<br />
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But before I came downstairs I was thinking about Moses again. Backwards was Ses-um. Sounded like Cesium...a dangerous chemical. Then I get the Disney cats from Lady & The Tramp singing "we are Siamese if you please". Sadie somehow was made to believe we were Siamese twins and if she separated from me we would both perish. Here is the set showing how she viewed us:<br />
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<div class="photo photo_none"><div class="photo_img"><img class="img" height="320" src="http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/188697_10150172863380879_630960878_8356082_5559950_n.jpg" width="320" /></div></div><br />
Sadie sees the lie now. I explained we could only have been Siamese twins if we had been born together in the same womb. The key is gone. We are separated. Am praying our safe separation disconnected the back up programming. "The truth shall set you free" (?).<br />
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Moses to Siamese. Parting of the Cs. Am glad Sadie is okay. Still not feeling completely safe. I do feel I need more coping skills for this intense stuff triggered by father's death. And who knows what will surface when Delgado dies. I want to be safe. And I want to live to cherish the friendships I have made and my new family.</div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-28339922053037083372011-02-26T15:51:00.001-05:002011-02-26T15:53:32.522-05:00Bailey<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-IBuRC-EVIxM/TWllLvVlh4I/AAAAAAAAA7s/rMkZunfuGyg/s1600/Bailey_DerekJeter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-IBuRC-EVIxM/TWllLvVlh4I/AAAAAAAAA7s/rMkZunfuGyg/s320/Bailey_DerekJeter.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
This was a very early collage when I began playing with textures and doing artistic sets. This is Derek Jeter who has represented a perp in my life. I didn't know that until about six years ago. He was the neighbor who took over as my handler when my parents retired and moved to another state. My earlier handmade collages of Bailey show he was prominent in my life but I didn't understand. He always is with a "propeller".<br />
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I have been in my current location since the late 60s with the exception of Air Force time. The other day I was matching my father's career locations with history of those locations as well as any CIA involvement. In the late 60s, when we first moved here, the Army base where we were stationed was known for repairing Chinook helicopters from Vietnam...especially the rotor blades! Building hangars was mentioned to house the Chinooks.<br />
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Aside from Bailey having a rotor blade as an eye, the "texture" of the art is airplane metal. I think I can safely assume that he took me to that particular Army base for missions, training, and/or programming. Since I began to heal in 1997, I know it didn't happen after that year.<br />
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And, in a moment of slapping myself on my forehead, when I realized who Bailey represented, I recalled that was the name of the street we lived on during that time. Consciously I adored him. I can only hope he was as controlled as me and it was not his nature to do harm, as it was my father's.<br />
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It was this realization that my life WAS <i>The Truman Show</i>. All appeared normal but was very planned and directed.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-57722411942424830912011-02-22T13:34:00.004-05:002011-02-26T15:39:00.330-05:00222<div><div style="height: 500px; position: relative; width: 500px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/32_50_play_nice/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=12998087"><img alt="32/50 Play nice" border="0" force="1" height="500" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFnVIWXUtZXUtM2hHWGJRMVk4MkRyR1EAAAACaWQKAXgAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="32/50 Play nice" width="500" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/32_50_play_nice/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=12998087">32/50 Play nice</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (in repair)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small><br />
<br />
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<small>This set came up "accidentally" today but the message is appropriate. February 22 has been a bad day for me in my dissociated life. Words were written beneath this on Polyvore indicating some things were worth fighting for. When I recall what used to happen on this date, healing was definitely worth the painful journey and always swimming upstream.</small><br />
<small> </small></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-57797676505256918412010-12-05T18:58:00.000-05:002010-12-05T18:58:40.493-05:00Someone New<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DESrX-r7YhA/TPwkz4B0zOI/AAAAAAAAA68/35jZ_ucU62Q/s1600/pinkalter_towardhope.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DESrX-r7YhA/TPwkz4B0zOI/AAAAAAAAA68/35jZ_ucU62Q/s400/pinkalter_towardhope.jpg" width="400" /></a><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_DESrX-r7YhA/TPwki_f3-VI/AAAAAAAAA60/_xjggb94nO0/s1600/Hospital+for+Souls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_DESrX-r7YhA/TPwki_f3-VI/AAAAAAAAA60/_xjggb94nO0/s400/Hospital+for+Souls.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_DESrX-r7YhA/TPwkpZb1aSI/AAAAAAAAA64/JemBqzsKZKY/s1600/Pink+Black+Gold1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_DESrX-r7YhA/TPwkpZb1aSI/AAAAAAAAA64/JemBqzsKZKY/s400/Pink+Black+Gold1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Recently the woman in black with the pink background showed up in several sets. The first set shown is one I did just thinking I was randomly using a model. The second set seemed as if the model on pink went with the bicycle wheel with pink petals. Finally I did the set which told me she was part of my subconscious world.<br />
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Since realizing she was one of me, I created two more sets until I identified her. I knew her from 1997 and magazine collages. She's my adult "Invisible Annie".Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-42799610527109459892010-11-22T22:19:00.000-05:002010-11-22T22:19:17.617-05:00Profile Art Reflects Healing<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/emerging_from_broken/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=24318703"><img alt="Emerging from Broken" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFjFtUFg2aERmM3hHOEtWemd5b1BYVEEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Emerging from Broken" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/emerging_from_broken/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=24318703">Emerging from Broken</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (catch up mode)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/pretty_healing/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=25174342"><img alt="Pretty Healing" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFnpLTzdlT2oxM3hHRVJRTURIdHlvUncAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Pretty Healing" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/pretty_healing/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=25174342">Pretty Healing</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (catch up mode)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small><br />
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<small>The top image was a self-portrait from about a month ago. I found the red door in the neck to be interesting. Dark but light coming through. I've working intensely on healing from a part of me who had remained hidden until within a week of my birthday three days ago. </small><br />
<small><br />
</small><br />
<small>My previous two integrations happened on my birthday so I knew this part of me was going to heal either by merging/blending/integrating. I'm not sure the term matters. I didn't feel anything in particular but my struggling depression seemed to lift immensely on the 19th and has stayed that way. Three good days in a row is a celebration. Am hoping it's a permanent good change. Don't think too many secrets hidden that go with alters not yet found.</small><br />
<small><br />
</small><br />
<small>I did the second portrait yesterday. Face is taped together...happier color, but still not completely healed shown by the split at the top. One side with a flower, the other rather dark. Still, feel like the broken healing of 2007 is nearly repaired plus I reached this new level of healing I may not have found without the new trauma a few years ago...not that I welcome any trauma. Just happy for the deeper healing.</small></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-235218256561712622010-11-10T12:40:00.002-05:002010-11-10T12:42:59.602-05:00Not A Creature Was Stirring<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/does_it_ever_stop/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=14307054"><img alt="Does it ever stop?" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFm12YXNtcVBwM2hHTFAxcHpQYVNlb3cAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Does it ever stop?" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/does_it_ever_stop/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=14307054">Does it ever stop?</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (so behind)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
This is a selection of sets that I initially just saw as Alice in Wonderland programming...lots of tea. But it was a real life experience in the past year that brought the meaning to me. Each morning I had my espresso and delighted in my tiny espresso spoons and stirring up the chocolate in the bottom of my morning caffeine.<br />
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Likely over the course of several months it dawned on me that I would stir my espresso and the next thing I knew I was on Polyvore and had forgotten to drink my espresso. Was always getting up to reheat it in the microwave. I was able to ask myself to show me what was happening. The last set in this post was my answer. Staring into the swirling of stirring my espresso caused me to dissociate if only a few seconds to blank out that I even wanted to drink it.<br />
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I was able to go back through many other sets with tea showing me dissociating from swirling steam or something else related to tea or coffee. It actually still happens but I try to remember not to look into the cup while I stir. Simple things that caused me to become someone else in the past. Thank goodness no harm comes from it now except for having cold espresso...or tea.<br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/tea/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=13298316"><img alt="Tea" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFjFvczJjQ25LM2hHekRnSjYybHpST2cAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Tea" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/tea/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=13298316">Tea</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (so behind)</a> featuring a <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/trench_coat/shop?query=trench+coat">trench coat</a></small></div><br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/tea/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=14646032"><img alt="Tea" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFnBpcW1KVlB6M2hHNzJDazZyemJXTncAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Tea" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/tea/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=14646032">Tea</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (so behind)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/march_hare/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=11079950"><img alt="March Hare" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFjR1QUJTOE9EM2hHRHV3RU9OM2gySlEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="March Hare" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/march_hare/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=11079950">March Hare</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (so behind)</a> featuring <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/silver_tone_jewelry/shop?query=silver+tone+jewelry">silver tone jewelry</a></small></div><br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/stirring_things_up/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=16583580"><img alt="***Stirring things up" border="0" force="1" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFjdFUkRoc1VuM3hHOXZEdVk2ZVgtOUEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="***Stirring things up" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/stirring_things_up/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=16583580">***Stirring things up</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (so behind)</a> featuring an <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/alex_and_ani/shop?brand=Alex+and+Ani">alex and ani</a></small></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_DESrX-r7YhA/TNrWSUIwCsI/AAAAAAAAA6w/_2kFsAdZ-h0/s1600/Code+Not+a+creature+was+STIRRING.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_DESrX-r7YhA/TNrWSUIwCsI/AAAAAAAAA6w/_2kFsAdZ-h0/s1600/Code+Not+a+creature+was+STIRRING.jpg" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-48959650879486157862010-09-16T22:07:00.001-04:002010-09-17T17:34:50.665-04:00Project EndometriosisA creative arts therapist based in Australia is having an actual gallery focused on endometriosis. Abuse survivors tend to have many health issues focused in the pelvic region including endometriosis. I was inspired to do my own collage based on the project through Polyvore. <br />
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<div><div style="height: 400px; position: relative; width: 400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/project_endometriosis/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=23005218"><img alt="Project Endometriosis" border="0" height="400" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmZyenJuNWE4M3hHSDVFTTFsQWV4cVEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Project Endometriosis" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/project_endometriosis/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=23005218">Project Endometriosis</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda dazed)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
I found it helpful to release thoughts on my own experience through art and recommend others who share this issue do the same.<br />
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For those who would like to learn more about it, here is the link to <a href="http://www.facebook.com/#%21/pages/Endometriosis-Online-Arts-Project/131650933513465">Project Endometriosis</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-64659697406982012242010-09-13T11:22:00.001-04:002010-09-13T11:23:54.938-04:00P.O.W.Wondering if I'll ever know why Vietnam is a continuous theme in my memories. And why did 9/11 set off memories of that time?<br />
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<div><div style="position:relative;width:400px;height:400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=23131640"><img width="400" alt="P.O.W." src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFjBuZ21vRWktM3hHdWhPZUktM0pNNVEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="P.O.W." height="400" border="0" /></a></div><br />
<small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=23131640">P.O.W.</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (kinda dazed)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-78552215125078413742010-08-24T15:28:00.000-04:002010-08-24T15:28:58.294-04:00Artistic ImpressionsI seem to be processing a lot of the past as captured in a moment. This recent set is one of my favorites:<br />
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<div><div style="position:relative;width:400px;height:400px;"><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/overshadow/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=22338199"><img width="400" alt="Overshadow" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFnZObDVXVkt1M3hHWllDSDhiOHVwOGcAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Overshadow" height="400" border="0" /></a></div><br/><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/overshadow/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=22338199">Overshadow</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (here but not here)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-52994614783496500802010-04-06T16:21:00.000-04:002010-04-06T16:21:34.904-04:00<div><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/falling_into_grace/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=17541045"><img width="400" alt="Falling into Grace" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmFpTFlyR2hBM3hHb3BGaXVaOEhTbFEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Falling into Grace" height="400" border="0" /></a><br/><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/falling_into_grace/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=17541045">Falling into Grace</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
<div><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/ill_catch_you/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=17521917"><img width="400" alt="I'll Catch You" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFjNNZ2NDaE5BM3hHVm94Sm1aOEhTbFEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="I'll Catch You" height="400" border="0" /></a><br/><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/ill_catch_you/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=17521917">I'll Catch You</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
After a day of doom and gloom sets on Saturday, these two sets emerged from me on Easter Sunday (4/4). It represents the fusion of Libby and me. I thought it meant the end of alters but already a highly sexual inappropriate part emerged. Am working on accepting that aspect of me that had one of the most horrid jobs ever.<br />
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In spite of that, I see the two collages as a wonderful celebration of union.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-46228428136661514462010-03-28T12:20:00.000-04:002010-03-28T12:20:02.963-04:00A Year of Healing<div><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/breathe_in_out/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=16522370"><img width="400" alt="Breathe In Breathe Out" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmJFd0QtOFVsM3hHZ3FJVlR4bkNrMncAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Breathe In Breathe Out" height="400" border="0" /></a><br/><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/breathe_in_out/set?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=16522370">Breathe In Breathe Out</a> by <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.embedder=528877&.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244 (Gallery this week)</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small></div><br />
My last post was March last year. Through collages I was led through complex programming connected to a very fractured version of Alice in Wonderland/Wizard of Oz and Tinkerbelle. All fragments of Alice reunited as happened with Tinkerbelle. Then the two united into one healed Alice. Alice has always gone with keys. For me, Alice herself was a key. Her healing opened safe passage for the original unsplit me. I had thought Jane and Ellie were a split core but all kept the secret of Libby as core.<br />
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Libby has appeared throughout my Polyvore collages from early on. (I was surprised to see how early she emerged in my collages!) I knew she represented the conscious me...the one with "my" memories of my life. But I thought she was an alter. Above is Libby's healed adult image. She has been represented by the model Lily Cole in nearly all Libby collages.<br />
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She shares conscious space with me now. Since she held so much Alice programming, my memory and backwards world perspective have been impacted. It's a good thing though. She brings with her many answers to my life.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1733246553954312669.post-69571921087087534472009-03-11T16:23:00.001-04:002009-03-11T16:23:50.576-04:00Pause for personal identification<a href="http://www.polyvore.com/time_beauty/set?.mid=embed&id=7119856"><img width="400" alt="Time of beauty" src="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-set/BQcDAAAAAwoDanBnAAAABC5vdXQKFmtITV9sNTBOM2hHRFhLSDFlYjk2VEEAAAACaWQKAWUAAAAEc2l6ZQ.jpg" title="Time of beauty" height="400" border="0" /></a><br/><small><a href="http://www.polyvore.com/time_beauty/set?.mid=embed&id=7119856">Time of beauty</a> - by <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/profile?.mid=embed&id=528877">grace2244</a> on <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/">Polyvore.com</a></small><br /><br />Blogging will resume when my state of fusion has completed. It's been three months and it's not allowing me to focus on anything other than fusing. I'm online at Polyvore.com with my collages if anyone cares to follow my healing/fusion experience. Survivors are welcome to join my Polyvore group. To check it out, click <a href="http://www.polyvore.com/adult_survivors_abuse/group.show?id=37357">here</a>.<br /><br />Will be back when my fusion process allows me to be present for life other than internal work. The good news is I have learned many answers about my programming and some cues to cause me to dissociate.<br /><br />Please note I've added an email contact on my profile for those who have been trying to reach me.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08256675845938876493noreply@blogger.com3