Survivor Art Warning

Keep in mind that survivor art is not about beauty. It reveals trauma...sometimes in a subtle way. Sometimes rather graphically. The beauty, to me, is in being a witness to my own healing from the images given to me by formerly traumatized and even suicidal alters.

Please use caution in viewing this site. I'm proud to be sufficiently healed to share this art (most of which was done from 1997 to 2000). All depicted in the images have integrated. This is me when I was "we".


Breastfeeding men - Mom confusion from birth

Warning. Some may be disturbed by these images of breasts. This "message" was mindblowing and brought up some pretty detailed intentional confusion for infant bonding with "mother".

Can you say "spinning" to confuse with regard to male/female identification?

My internal message for this picture is "man boobs".

Can you believe I found these kinds of pictures?
Double breasted?

I see a man dressed as a woman. Interestingly, it is Jerry Hall.
(Typically male name for a female)

"Black & White" went with extreme messages. If you click on this photo to enlarge it,
you can see the print on the left lower ad:
" in early childhood has lasting rewards."

My former system providing me with an answer no normal thinking person could conceive because of the evil intent.


Anonymous said...

Just reading this feels like it has cracked open memory "doors". I'm not sure what all is in there.

However, what i have already known about this subject in our backgrounds is a lot.

The main satanist perpetrator (who was married to my sister) used to start talking like a baby and would chase me on his knees saying he wanted to breastfeed, and calling me his mother. It was beyond terrifying, although may sound comical. I remember at least once trying to lock myself in a room to get away from him. These incidents came about out of the blue, when we were say, all sitting watching a movie. Not after i was dissociated, but still in my right mind. I mean, this was my handsome supposedly "normal" (yeah, right!) brother in law suddenly acting this way.

After i tried keeping him away, perp would get up on his feet and want to k*ll me. And he would be in such a homicidal rage that it was terribly dangerous and probably away i would go, in my mind.

My children told me that perp sometimes took estrogen pills to give himself breasts, but then would be scared that he was "showing". He also compared cow udders to his privates. To me, that's what the picture of the multi-breasted man looks like, a cow. The udder had milk, the woman had milk, and did the man according to perp.

That picture of the woman nursing also says, "man dressed as woman" to me.

I think something that is trying to come back after seeing your photos is that perp was jealous because i could breastfeed my children. So he said they had to nurse from his "breasts" too, but then because he didn't have milk there, he made them "nurse" somewhere else.

"I'm so sorry, my children, that i didn't protect you. I couldn't because i could not remember what had happened after it happened."

Thank you for helping to uncover what needs to be uncovered,

Grace said...

Hi LJ, Your memory may well be a very different scenario from me. At the chance of being hugely triggering, it was my internal information that told me, after birth, given to "mother" who was male perp. I have no idea who that was. But condom filled with milk and pinhole placed at end. Learned sexual behaviors out of the womb. I think breasts didn't mean breasts.But I was suckling on a body part. It still sickens me. Unfortunately it makes sense for a child being groomed for exploitation.

Anonymous said...

Male perp did at times claim the title "mother". One thing he did then was to put a pillow over heads because his mother was "s*ff*cating", he said.

When you say about suckling on a body part, that is what perp made our children do, when no milk came out of his breasts. That is what he meant when he illustrated that a cow makes milk, so does a woman, and so does a man. Yes, so sick!! This topic has stirred up a whole lot of anger and sadness at what he did to so many tiny children.

I remember all the memories the children told me concerning cow udders, etc etc. Now it is making more sense to ME. Personal confirmation and additional understanding.

Since our children were used as prostitutes by their "uncle", i imagine that a lot of abuse he did had the intent of "grooming" them into making more money for the group. Just as you talk about being taught sexual behaviors from the womb.

I remember the perp using the term...."bresticles", which in his mind was the male equivalent for what females had. He was always more competitive than anyone i have ever met. It was like a male/female competition to him.

The secrets of the perpetrators will always come out one way or the other- this gives me a lot of comfort.