Survivor Art Warning

Keep in mind that survivor art is not about beauty. It reveals trauma...sometimes in a subtle way. Sometimes rather graphically. The beauty, to me, is in being a witness to my own healing from the images given to me by formerly traumatized and even suicidal alters.

Please use caution in viewing this site. I'm proud to be sufficiently healed to share this art (most of which was done from 1997 to 2000). All depicted in the images have integrated. This is me when I was "we".

12.08.2008

Gender Identity Confusion

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Just two of my many earlier messages regarding gender confusion. The first message was not all men have penises. That prepared me for being convinced that I was a boy in the dissociated world once not having a penis became a nonissue. It took forever to understand this very complicated mind game played with me.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Grace,
Does this topic ever connect with our experiences! Just a few days ago had a memory dream in which a "woman" was abusing me. I was taking it with almost no emotion. "She" had male parts, but i couldn't see "her" as the man "she" was. Hypnotic trance was probably used to accomplish the deception.

Verification that this was indeed a memory dream came shortly when i saw a photo of a woman in a glossy tight dress. Felt frightened and repulsed because it looked like she could have had male parts (to my mind), yet couldn't quit looking. Had a feeling that i could not trust what i believed to be so~ that this was REALLY a woman as she looked. What was really under her dress?? Ugh....

*********Poss Triggers**********

My children had told me for several years of memories related to this. Boys/men threatened with "dec*pitation" and called girls/women. Little girls/women called boys/men. And there was a whole lot of cross-dressing that went on. Men were taught by the high priest that it was a "sin" against the occult god to have relations with a woman, so things were all twisted up.

******Triggers***********

Main other memory i have had in relation until now, has been of a "butter-fly collection" that perp had in a box. Ummmm......this was a collection of severed male parts pinned to look like "butterflies" somehow. Sorry to say this, but it's the truth.

Have also been having a few memory dreams lately of being r*ped by a woman wearing a fake man part. Oh, how much sickness WERE we exposed to?

I was raised very sheltered in many ways and generally happy, but several traumatic abuse situations in my childhood were not dealt with, and i was amnesic to them. This opened the door to a cunning perp with strong occult connections in my early 20's. He hid/took away portions of my life for over 15 years, and nearly took my life probably many times. Grateful that my children and i survived and have moved to a safe place, far from where it happened. We had to.
Love,
LJ

Grace said...

Dear LJ,
Yes, we were screwed up that much. I can't speak to your experience. But I came to recognize woman in my images as male perps. My eyes saw answers and I can still look at some pictures of women and see a male in disguise due to past deceptions. I have collages and images for a future art post of men with boobs which brings up a sickening aspect of abuse. They went to any and all lengths to totally confuse.

Male parts (or what I believed to be male parts) were used for many awful things. No wonder it's so difficult for victims/survivors of this abuse to have any kind of healthy relationship until after years of healing.