Survivor Art Warning

Keep in mind that survivor art is not about beauty. It reveals trauma...sometimes in a subtle way. Sometimes rather graphically. The beauty, to me, is in being a witness to my own healing from the images given to me by formerly traumatized and even suicidal alters.

Please use caution in viewing this site. I'm proud to be sufficiently healed to share this art (most of which was done from 1997 to 2000). All depicted in the images have integrated. This is me when I was "we".


Programming Revealed

I wrote about my internal journey in France in another blog. Much has been going on inside since my return. New parts emerging, new messages...all healing I thought. But I also have been feeling more and more lethargic since my return. Today especially. I'd been making Polyvore sets not knowing what they meant or even if they were connected. One part surfaced that I thought signified I no longer had any self-harm or hidden self-destruct programming. Apparently that was wrong.

Here are a few of my recent sets:


 I thought, after doing this last set, that an old program had started up because of the dandelion in lower left. So I did this set hoping to reveal more.

After doing this one, I could see the old program in the background but it looks shut down. The KA in lower left kept grabbing my attention. I looked up acronyms for KA to no avail and then took a nap. When I woke up, I googled "Ka element" thinking it was on the periodic table. What I found was that Ka is one of the five elements (fire of earth, wind, fire, etc.) in Japanese. Its meaning goes with strong life force, energy, what I know as Qi ("chi"). And I've been feeling so the opposite of energetic. I get an internal jolt when I have an answer and I got that jolt. A program to shut me down has gone off. I see how dead the last set is and how in previous sets I am going down.

I also noticed the set showing several of me inside with the round window on the right. The puzzle piece seems to be trying to push out the window. Almost like there was a slow carbon monoxide poisoning going on inside, I needed to get fresh air. Am in a huge dilemma at the moment being uninsured for the first time in my life waiting for my new insurance coverage since my marriage. A perfectly evil time for a program to go off. I have no one to go to for help. I thought I might be able to do a set showing what I'd like to happen inside to see if it might be internalized.

I broke open the window and have my alters on the other side in the fresh air. All I can do is wait and use my grounding skills and hope protectors inside are not shut down and can help undo this.