Survivor Art Warning

Keep in mind that survivor art is not about beauty. It reveals trauma...sometimes in a subtle way. Sometimes rather graphically. The beauty, to me, is in being a witness to my own healing from the images given to me by formerly traumatized and even suicidal alters.

Please use caution in viewing this site. I'm proud to be sufficiently healed to share this art (most of which was done from 1997 to 2000). All depicted in the images have integrated. This is me when I was "we".


Insight into my phone phobia

Obey by grace2244

The telephone was the primary instrument of conveying cues to me that caused another alter to come out and do something requested. Afterwards, I just picked up where I left off never knowing I had been anywhere else or made phone calls. I also used the phone to advise handlers/abusers of my whereabouts. It's still scary for me to answer any phone.

You can see how young I was when it started. I think I first learned tones and verbal cues which were relayed over the telephone when I was older.


Anonymous said...

Grace, I wonder if these abusers *all* have a lot in common?! Your collage has many elements which i can relate to, also.
****poss triggers in topics****

The numbers 3, 6, and 9 were very important in the "numberology" we were trained with. This was especially desirable in the groups of three, as they are shown in your collage. Our training or "schooling" was called "Readin'(tea leaves, crystal ball, palmistry etc)Ritin'(Having to do with rites) Rithmetric (Numerology)".

My sister's husband had "classes" in which he was the teacher who brought an "apple" to the students. In other words, he brought knowledge of good and evil, but these were even reversed in meaning. There were quite a few children made to sit in desks and who were trained in *horrible* subjects. There were also several adults who were in trances/possible child states sitting with the children at times. On at least one occasion, i was made to sit and listen during one of the "school daze". Lot more i could say on this, but don't want to ramble.

The main perp would talk about "shower heads" and to him they had an obscene meaning. (Crazy sounding, i know! But it's the truth.)

Mickey Mouse was used, along with other "Dizzy" figures. Not just Disney, but other movies were inspiration to the training and abuse we went through.

Traffic lights....a lot done with that topic. These were definitely used as part of our training, and i managed to find a way to control that programming in order to keep from having an "accident" while driving.

Thanks to your comments, i'm going to talk with my daughter about when she thinks her own training started with the telephone- calling and answering. She wants to undo every bit of it, and has worked hard to do this. I'm really proud of her efforts and strength. Prior to reading what you wrote, it never dawned on me that the telephone training/programming i went through could have started on my children also at that time.

I do remember that both children told me after they began remembering that their uncle forced them to make phone calls from the basement phone at my parents. These were sometimes pornographic phone calls, if i remember right. But now, i would bet there was more to it, also. We'll find out, as the truth always comes out, and then we are set free as survivors.

I know exactly what you are talking of when you mention being on the phone, and then having zero memory of having been on it. I also know the feeling of fear upon answering a phone to this day. Only survivors of this kind of abuse can truly understand that feeling, and although i'm sorry that you do understand, in a way it makes one feel not so "strange" or alone.
Thank you!
PS After thinking about this topic, the words "Phone home" started coming to me. I am positive this term was used, but don't have context yet. To the perps, i would say, "With God's help, i have NO intention of doing that!"

Grace said...

It's my experience from both sides of therapy that there is basically a shared knowledge passed down thru the generations and enhanced as technology evolves. I'm clueless as to some of my images--like the traffic light. Had no idea I did things in threes until you said something. Hmmmm. All #s were used from my perspective but some ceremonies or training were tied to specific numbers I think.

steve said...

Some tech-free celebs are recovering tech addicts. Tyra Banks told New York Times Magazine that her BlackBerry habit caused her physical pain. She has since gone low-tech and jots her thoughts in a notebook.
Technophobia, of course, extends far beyond cell phones.
Christopher Walken and David Sedaris don’t use cell phones or e-mail. Simon Cowell says he doesn’t know how to work a computer.