The inside story of ME

The last two standing.

A connection to Ellie (naked & little hair).

ME and Ellie together as one. My hairstyle.


Me prior to 2007 medical disaster.

I had indicated my next post would feature Jane. Instead, by design (since there are no accidents in my world), I came across pictures of Christy Turlington online today. She became the internal identity for whom I knew as an early identified female protector. She first went by several names, which was confusing. She then became M.E. (distinct separation of letters & pronounced "Emmie") and finally ME. She is both part of me and my inner wisdom or higher self, hence the "upper" case letters. Her internal job was caring for the littles. Once a new little or littles were found, she would take them to a still unknown internal healing place. ME had a lovely healing light surrounding her. She felt like a loving internal sister.

I have many images of ME. It was her image on the cover of Elle shown above that I took with me to my hairdresser in 2004, the year I decided to rid myself of my constantly annoying naturally curly hair and have it professionally straightened. Her haircut became my haircut. It's not much different now. This is how my insiders have always viewed "me". Of course, I have always felt much younger inside. *g* Thought this might be an interesting healing post.

While putting these images together, it became my validation that Jane was the original child and Ellie was the first split. My healing has tended to be backwards of what was done to me (not always an apparent message). The message of the the above images is "ME split" and one was Ellie (LE). Maybe one day I'll figure out about the names that were just letters.

In spin we trust

Last month I posted in Grace Uncensored how my system conveyed to me that someone in my workplace was giving instructions to an alter. With a large format collage, I was shown the job of the alter, the person providing the signal, and showing me the telephone was used to convey the signal. Images depicted the alter becoming dizzy while on the telephone. Knowing someone knew I grew up DID and trained was unnerving and I was terrified to return to work. Motivation for income allowed me to return...but how to be safe and stop responding?

Before returning to work from my short-term leave to pick myself up from the onslaught of early memories after my DID beginning to show, I found this single image in a magazine. Amazingly, in using images, survivors will find they begin to recognize alters because all of their images look like the same person even when it isn't the same model in the magazine. It might be a nudge from inside saying "that's her" or "that's me" or a feeling of knowing. Realizing this image went with the collage about my being used at work game me the piece I needed to no longer be triggered into the alter state. I described in my blog entry how I was able to disconnect from the cue. Scary stuff.