Someone New

Recently the woman in black with the pink background showed up in several sets. The first set shown is one I did just thinking I was randomly using a model. The second set  seemed as if the model on pink went with the bicycle wheel with pink petals. Finally I did the set which told me she was part of my subconscious world.

Since realizing she was one of me, I created two more sets until I identified her. I knew her from 1997 and magazine collages. She's my adult "Invisible Annie".

Profile Art Reflects Healing

Emerging from Broken by grace2244 (catch up mode) on Polyvore.com

Pretty Healing by grace2244 (catch up mode) on Polyvore.com

The top image was a self-portrait from about a month ago. I found the red door in the neck to be interesting. Dark but light coming through. I've working intensely on healing from a part of me who had remained hidden until within a week of my birthday three days ago. 


My previous two integrations happened on my birthday so I knew this part of me was going to heal either by merging/blending/integrating. I'm not sure the term matters. I didn't feel anything in particular but my struggling depression seemed to lift immensely on the 19th and has stayed that way. Three good days in a row is a celebration. Am hoping it's a permanent good change. Don't think too many secrets hidden that go with alters not yet found.


I did the second portrait yesterday. Face is taped together...happier color, but still not completely healed shown by the split at the top. One side with a flower, the other rather dark. Still, feel like the broken healing of 2007 is nearly repaired plus I reached this new level of healing I may not have found without the new trauma a few years ago...not that I welcome any trauma. Just happy for the deeper healing.

Not A Creature Was Stirring

Does it ever stop? by grace2244 (so behind) on Polyvore.com

This is a selection of sets that I initially just saw as Alice in Wonderland programming...lots of tea. But it was a real life experience in the past year that brought the meaning to me. Each morning I had my espresso and delighted in my tiny espresso spoons and stirring up the chocolate in the bottom of my morning caffeine.

Likely over the course of several months it dawned on me that I would stir my espresso and the next thing I knew I was on Polyvore and had forgotten to drink my espresso. Was always getting up to reheat it in the microwave. I was able to ask myself to show me what was happening. The last set in this post was my answer. Staring into the swirling of stirring my espresso caused me to dissociate if only a few seconds to blank out that I even wanted to drink it.

I was able to go back through many other sets with tea showing me dissociating from swirling steam or something else related to tea or coffee. It actually still happens but I try to remember not to look into the cup while I stir. Simple things that caused me to become someone else in the past. Thank goodness no harm comes from it now except for having cold espresso...or tea.

Tea by grace2244 (so behind) featuring a trench coat

Tea by grace2244 (so behind) on Polyvore.com

March Hare by grace2244 (so behind) featuring silver tone jewelry

***Stirring things up by grace2244 (so behind) featuring an alex and ani

Project Endometriosis

A creative arts therapist based in Australia is having an actual gallery focused on endometriosis. Abuse survivors tend to have many health issues focused in the pelvic region including endometriosis. I was inspired to do my own collage based on the project through Polyvore.

Project Endometriosis by grace2244 (kinda dazed) on Polyvore.com

I found it helpful to release thoughts on my own experience through art and recommend others who share this issue do the same.

For those who would like to learn more about it, here is the link to Project Endometriosis

P.O.W.

Wondering if I'll ever know why Vietnam is a continuous theme in my memories. And why did 9/11 set off memories of that time?

P.O.W. by grace2244 (kinda dazed) on Polyvore.com

Artistic Impressions

I seem to be processing a lot of the past as captured in a moment. This recent set is one of my favorites:

Overshadow by grace2244 (here but not here) on Polyvore.com

Falling into Grace by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

I'll Catch You by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

After a day of doom and gloom sets on Saturday, these two sets emerged from me on Easter Sunday (4/4). It represents the fusion of Libby and me. I thought it meant the end of alters but already a highly sexual inappropriate part emerged. Am working on accepting that aspect of me that had one of the most horrid jobs ever.

In spite of that, I see the two collages as a wonderful celebration of union.

A Year of Healing

Breathe In Breathe Out by grace2244 (Gallery this week) on Polyvore.com

My last post was March last year. Through collages I was led through complex programming connected to a very fractured version of Alice in Wonderland/Wizard of Oz and Tinkerbelle. All fragments of Alice reunited as happened with Tinkerbelle. Then the two united into one healed Alice. Alice has always gone with keys. For me, Alice herself was a key. Her healing opened safe passage for the original unsplit me. I had thought Jane and Ellie were a split core but all kept the secret of Libby as core.

Libby has appeared throughout my Polyvore collages from early on. (I was surprised to see how early she emerged in my collages!) I knew she represented the conscious me...the one with "my" memories of my life. But I thought she was an alter. Above is Libby's healed adult image. She has been represented by the model Lily Cole in nearly all Libby collages.

She shares conscious space with me now. Since she held so much Alice programming, my memory and backwards world perspective have been impacted. It's a good thing though. She brings with her many answers to my life.