Grace 101

For awhile I've done some sets with white horses and recently a flying white horse that goes with a young Buddha. This past weekend I realized I had changed. I felt stronger emotionally and even energetic. Part can be attributed to going off a medication but the bigger message is that I healed from "three graces" to two.  It was only through my Polyvore sets that I figured out who this part of me was.

Snow Buddha by grace2244 (kinda here) on Polyvore.com

Contemplating Her Duality by grace2244 (kinda here) on Polyvore.com

Sharing the crown of my Grace by grace2244 (kinda here) featuring TIARA jewelry

I have written of the very beginning of my healing journey about the 5-year-old part of me whom I knew since I was age 5. She remained that age. She was my secret. I knew it wasn't "normal" to have a part like her with me. She became disruptive in my adult relationships though and worked with her in therapy. She integrated just prior to my knowing there were others inside and that I had DID. She was an obstinate little blonde girl whom I adored. I cried when she integrated.

Dandelion Wishes by grace2244 (kinda here) on Polyvore.com

She did show up in collages as an adult. She went with carousel horses then. Now she is with spiritual creatures...winged and beautiful. She has a Grace Kelly-ish appearance which accounts for the retro fashion. A strong protector as her 5-year-old self, it was her job to take me out of a conscious state on command. Now returned as a healed and healthy protector with all of her good energy, I feel so happy she has returned to be on the outside with me.

Perhaps my final state will be a duality. This journey keeps going, so all I can do is speculate. Am looking forward to the boost of Qi and feeling good about life again.

Falling into Grace by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

I'll Catch You by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

After a day of doom and gloom sets on Saturday, these two sets emerged from me on Easter Sunday (4/4). It represents the fusion of Libby and me. I thought it meant the end of alters but already a highly sexual inappropriate part emerged. Am working on accepting that aspect of me that had one of the most horrid jobs ever.

In spite of that, I see the two collages as a wonderful celebration of union.

The next level of fusion

Warrior Woman - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

Yesterday, the "true male" identity of Raven, who I know as Michael, fused into the entity of Grace (Jane & Ellie). Ellie had been split into male and female since I was 3. She was able to choose to keep her two separate identities instead of choosing one. I didn't know that Michael was still behind in the male system feeling lost and disconnected. That was my therapy session. Beautiful internal imagery of the fusion.

I love this collage. I do drum. I haven't in awhile but my drums are part of my spiritual environment. Guess my warrior woman is back. More posted about this in Grace Uncensored.

Child's Play

Littles Safe Playtime by grace2244

Time for littles to learn and know "safe play". Both "safe" and "play" were part of the double language world. "Play a game" was a dreaded term by many survivors. The littles I have now I consider to be inner child. I imagine they will "gel" once they get to know each other and understand they are safe from the abuse of the past.

Jade

Jade by grace2244

Some images of Jade's past, but looks like she's healing nicely.

Current population of me

Population of State of Grace by grace2244

This is representative of my current state of being. Not much more than the few ego states most people have. You just don't zone out (likely) if another is taking control. It still shows three Graces, so possibly Grace as one embodies three of me. I'm the one at center left looking a little ditzy which is exactly how I've been. It's a pretty world :-) London is there because the Ian Fleming protector has a British accent. Yes, it's weird. But I love that he speaks that way.

Fusion

Fusion by grace2244


An artistic expression of my 12/2 integration and fusion.

Pink Time

Pink Time by grace2244

Grace goes with pink. Pink goes with healing and embracing my female identity. This was 14 hours one day non-stop collaging. Must mean more than I can see from current memory. It does show memories from some really awful sh*t to be healing over.

Through the Looking Glass

Through the Looking Glass by grace2244

My healed core united with adult me with insiders peeking out. Trauma is healing as shown by the flowers growing over the once terrifying drain.