Not A Creature Was Stirring

Does it ever stop? by grace2244 (so behind) on Polyvore.com

This is a selection of sets that I initially just saw as Alice in Wonderland programming...lots of tea. But it was a real life experience in the past year that brought the meaning to me. Each morning I had my espresso and delighted in my tiny espresso spoons and stirring up the chocolate in the bottom of my morning caffeine.

Likely over the course of several months it dawned on me that I would stir my espresso and the next thing I knew I was on Polyvore and had forgotten to drink my espresso. Was always getting up to reheat it in the microwave. I was able to ask myself to show me what was happening. The last set in this post was my answer. Staring into the swirling of stirring my espresso caused me to dissociate if only a few seconds to blank out that I even wanted to drink it.

I was able to go back through many other sets with tea showing me dissociating from swirling steam or something else related to tea or coffee. It actually still happens but I try to remember not to look into the cup while I stir. Simple things that caused me to become someone else in the past. Thank goodness no harm comes from it now except for having cold espresso...or tea.

Tea by grace2244 (so behind) featuring a trench coat

Tea by grace2244 (so behind) on Polyvore.com

March Hare by grace2244 (so behind) featuring silver tone jewelry

***Stirring things up by grace2244 (so behind) featuring an alex and ani

In spin we trust

Last month I posted in Grace Uncensored how my system conveyed to me that someone in my workplace was giving instructions to an alter. With a large format collage, I was shown the job of the alter, the person providing the signal, and showing me the telephone was used to convey the signal. Images depicted the alter becoming dizzy while on the telephone. Knowing someone knew I grew up DID and trained was unnerving and I was terrified to return to work. Motivation for income allowed me to return...but how to be safe and stop responding?

Before returning to work from my short-term leave to pick myself up from the onslaught of early memories after my DID beginning to show, I found this single image in a magazine. Amazingly, in using images, survivors will find they begin to recognize alters because all of their images look like the same person even when it isn't the same model in the magazine. It might be a nudge from inside saying "that's her" or "that's me" or a feeling of knowing. Realizing this image went with the collage about my being used at work game me the piece I needed to no longer be triggered into the alter state. I described in my blog entry how I was able to disconnect from the cue. Scary stuff.