Survivor Art Warning

Keep in mind that survivor art is not about beauty. It reveals trauma...sometimes in a subtle way. Sometimes rather graphically. The beauty, to me, is in being a witness to my own healing from the images given to me by formerly traumatized and even suicidal alters.

Please use caution in viewing this site. I'm proud to be sufficiently healed to share this art (most of which was done from 1997 to 2000). All depicted in the images have integrated. This is me when I was "we".


Names, Clarity, and Synchronicity

Each person with DID has their own healing process. From the beginning, I was led to the meaning of the names of alters. My Baby Name Book is far too highlighted. Often the meanings were part of my story, although sometimes no connection was made. This is what happened to me in the past week or so with an alter coming forward.

Kate was one of the first magazine images of an alter where I knew her name. I knew she went with rage. She moved into my internal healing place with the first few discovered alters but then vanished. She recently surfaced during a therapy session. Huge anger arose but I didn't make the connection until after the session. She was angry because the therapist seemed to be questioning what came up with my processing. In my mind, it is what it is at the time even though other information may surface connected to it. I could feel the anger in my voice defending my own process. This is the first Polyvore set. She looks very much like that original magazine image.

Crawling Out of the Shadows

Shortly after doing that set, I completed this one...someone with straight white hair. I had no idea what it meant or who she was. She is surrounded by sky aside from the prominent sniper crosshairs.

In the Crosshairs

Next came this image, also a woman with straight white hair.

Twinkle, Twinkle

Someone had asked me what it meant, but I had no idea. The next morning I awoke with my mind showing me images of an alter I knew by name from magazine images, Cassie. She had the straight white hair. Immediately I looked up the meaning of Cassie. The name goes with a constellation called Cassiopeia. According to Greek mythology, Cassie had spurned the advances of a god. He, in turn, tortured her by making it so anything she said would never be believed. Of course, this goes with the strong silencing programming those with DID tend to have.

This made perfect sense of the stars placed over her face as prominently as the crosshairs. Usually when one alter surfaces, those connected to him/her in some way also surface. I did not yet understand Cassie's connection to Kate. That came the next day. Again I awoke with my mind processing. I had been hearing the name Casey for a few days. My mind showed me K.C. which went with Kate and Cassie. When I looked up the meaning of Casey, it was shown to go with K.C. and also connected to the names Cassandra and Katerina! My synchronicity still astounds me.

The next message caused me to gasp audibly. It was Kate looking at Cassie through the crosshairs. Kate's job was to keep Cassie silenced in her galactic prison. But now that Kate had surfaced and was speaking her mind, she had released Cassie. The most recent Polyvore set of Cassie confirmed the message.

Free from her galactic prison

Instead of through crosshairs, Cassie was being viewed through a heart. I recalled in very early collages a young girl named Casey. She must have been split through trauma to create Kate and Cassie. They were part of the same being but turned against each other. I then saw the most recent episode of Covert Affairs on television where a CIA operative was ordered to turn two sisters against each other in hopes it would lead to needed information. The operative refused to do it knowing how fragile sister relationships can be. More synchronicity. Kate and Cassie needed to reunite to heal. This is the last set I've done of them to date.

K.C. 112411

I really don't know if they have become Casey again. I haven't felt any particular healing event but I know they are healing by the clutter in my mind while sleeping. Early in my Understanding DID blog, I speak of a fictional novel I wrote the year before my having DID became known. One of the characters was Cassie. She was sweet, kind, funny, good natured...Kate's opposite. It made me wonder if they balanced each other's emotions.

I also wonder, if Kate was the first I knew, if that means she is the last inside who needs to surface. It's a nice thought and a hopeful one. Only time will tell.

No comments: