Dandelions in Oz

Dandelions in Oz - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

This collage was a surprise. Who would have put dandelions with ferris wheels? Apparently this was some kind of "tin man" program. "Lions" go with Oz?! Quite a few dandelion collages lately on Polyvore. Lots of mixed stories too. Missing the world. Living in Polyvore. Visit if you like.

The next level of fusion

Warrior Woman - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

Yesterday, the "true male" identity of Raven, who I know as Michael, fused into the entity of Grace (Jane & Ellie). Ellie had been split into male and female since I was 3. She was able to choose to keep her two separate identities instead of choosing one. I didn't know that Michael was still behind in the male system feeling lost and disconnected. That was my therapy session. Beautiful internal imagery of the fusion.

I love this collage. I do drum. I haven't in awhile but my drums are part of my spiritual environment. Guess my warrior woman is back. More posted about this in Grace Uncensored.

Landing in Zen

Landing in Zen - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

Kind of neat just flopping out of trauma world directly on the path to calm and serenity.

Escape from Programming Hell

Raven escapes her prison - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

I'm still getting my life story in no particular order. Last night I completed a collage where the former Raven showed me her self image as a tormented monster. Needless to say it was very healing to have this be the next collage.

Healing spirit

Safe in a parallel universe - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

Rising up

Evolution of Grace - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

After several very traumatic collages, this came out of me about 3 a.m. I love the unfolding of myself. Male and female combining and joyful. And I do have the shocking pink Nano iPod!

Color coordinating clues

Fight Club Healing - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

This collage is a great example of color coordinated clues that accumulate out of conscious awareness. I had no idea I had so many yellow, red, and black items and people. The above was done yesterday. Today a collage revealed that Fight Club was my self-destruct Mickey Mouse Club programming. Mickey IS red, white, yellow, and black! Very difficult to explain. Neat when it happens.

During this current "flood" of memories and alter messages, answers are not coming in order but am "hearing" the connections or "getting" them as more comes up. Am sure I was meant to trigger this flooding if the fusion happened. I will be fine. Can't say it enough but am so grateful for having the artistic outlet to keep this flood under control. Lots of answers. Anyone watching United States of Tara? They are doing an admirable job. The therapist even refers to programming.

The Pink Door

The Pink Door - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

After healing sufficiently to deconstruct the male system, the ballerinas find their way back to femininity and out of the trauma.

Strong spirit

Strong spirit - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

Free to be me

Free your mind - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

This may not mean much unless you have grasped any of my posts about twinning. The bottom line is two bonded little girls inside me were separated in a system deliberately created as a male gender identity system. The girls were Jane and Ellie who fused with me. The male was the suppressed feminity of Ellie. Ellie has since collaged fashions she likes and is fully goddess feminine. I couldn't be more pleased.

Delayed life

Then & Now - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

I found this collage interesting. I see predetermined destiny from the womb knowing I might never remember. And, if I did, it would be too late to have a "real" life. My awakening at age 44 did lead to a genuine and conscious life by age 50. What happened in between only matters to understand what needs to heal.

Seeing the stark reality of not having a life with love or safety or free will for at least four decades of my life is sad. Am grateful to have a substantially emotionally healthier life now with the capacity to give and receive good and safe love. They didn't take that from me.

Intense shame ensures dissociation

Losing the game - by grace2244 on Polyvore.com

Hopefully the nudity won't offend anyone. The center row of the collage indicates being forced to be nude for many purposes included porn. I'm not sure what the roll of money represents. Judging from the picture it is near, possibly sold to the highest bidder for a night? The upper row shows me dissociating from the experiences. The lower row shows the awful shame and other feelings accompanying the exploitative activities.