Survivor Art Warning

Keep in mind that survivor art is not about beauty. It reveals trauma...sometimes in a subtle way. Sometimes rather graphically. The beauty, to me, is in being a witness to my own healing from the images given to me by formerly traumatized and even suicidal alters.

Please use caution in viewing this site. I'm proud to be sufficiently healed to share this art (most of which was done from 1997 to 2000). All depicted in the images have integrated. This is me when I was "we".


Back to Wonderland?

Since my last post, I was able to undo that programming. However, something new began a few days ago that was very disconcerting. Actually I had found a collage done earlier this year showing "I must die" programming for my birthday next week. It's an even decade. I've been through so much of that, I usually don't worry about it. One of the parts rescued from undoing the last program was a mother part. I had my mother internalized several different ways. This one was subservient and loyal to the internal perp father part who was successfully made harmless.

With that in mind, yesterday I did this set called "Will She Return?" (to Wonderland).

There are many details in the set. Difficult to see is "Alice" holding the mirror that the woman is staring into. As I saved this to my computer, I realized I did a set the previous day with one of my two Alices (Keira Knightley).

This set was called "Unexpected Peace"; however, Wonderland was backwards. Peace would have meant the opposite. As I made the connection of these two sets my mind kept flashing images of my mother. And I had gotten the message "Mother and child reunion", from the song, but had no connection when I looked up the lyrics.

Following the first set shown above, I created this one called "Forced Back to Wonderland".

Actually, dandelions go with Oz which was "down the rabbit hole" from Wonderland. This frightened me. My insurance recently changed due to marriage and I have a new therapist whom I know but have yet to see as a patient. That will be soon. I sent her a note asking if she knew of anyone who had similar programming; specifically, could I fall apart and have that which had healed reappear. She said possibly programming related to mirrors. The first set I did has a mirror as a focal point! She also said it could be related to antimatter. Not long ago I had programming involving antimatter which disintegrates with light.

I went back through my sets and knew the woman on the left was a mother part and the one on the right was "Tink" who also went with my younger sister. Mother and daughter reunion. I eked as I realized their reunion would set off the program.

I know I can undo things inside by doing it with art. I began to make a new set starting with cutting the women who are joined as one into two separate women and placed a wall between them. Then I decided to use individual images of Tink and mother. Since it is Tink being forced back into Wonderland and appears nude in the set, I chose an image of her also nude. I'd been using the model Monica Belluci as mother part. Well actually I started using her and didn't know she was a mother part until about the 5th or 6th set I did with her. In addition to separating them with a wall, I gave each an aura of a different colored light so they could be safe individually but prevent them from merging.

After completing this set, I felt huge relief internally. I can never say never but Polyvore and the note from my new therapist helped me resolve this program. Am hoping I can at least have a week's break before I am forced into deprogram mode again. I'm 60 next week and it just doesn't stop.